WHERE: Media Club
WHEN: December 13, 2006
The second time I saw Jeff Johnson perform solo was a couple nights ago at the Media Club. It was
cold out, Christmas time, right before the Great Windstorm that scoured the Lower Mainland clean of all
of her beloved trees.
Yes indeed, it was Christmas time. Cheap imitation pine boughs were strewn sans souci under the
candleholders on each table. Gaudy green garlands ran the length of the dark, wooden, mahogany-
like booths.
Jeff Johnson, in a snazzy, shiny, dark-suede blazer, emerged from the green room and flashed the
devil’s horns, as if he’d just been announced to come onstage with the Crüe. A sexy little thing,
balanced precariously on her too-high heels, tried not to fall up to Jeff and gave him a big hug. After a
brief conversation, he sat on the edge of the stage and tuned his guitar. If the cheap, glitter-coated
snowflakes hanging from the ceiling were real, and therefore blessed with the knowledge of all that
they were simply hanging, suspended from the ceiling by invisible wire, turning and twinkling their sparkly spokes.
With his lonesome guitar, Jeff stepped onto the neglected stage, sat on the edge of the stool, guitar a-knee, and leaned into the mic. He introduced himself, and began to sing
“Search for You”, available on his Myspace site, but with an important difference: filling in for his bandmates, bassist T.J. O’Malley and drummer Jesse Smith, was… nobody. It
is a driving, haunting hard-rock ballad, about yearning, about looking for someone who has long since stopped looking for you, and Jeff gave us an austere, gaunt version,
stripped down to its essence. His strong, emotive voice, able to achieve mournful, soulful Scott Weiland-like howls as well as swaggering, alcoholic Scott-Stappian growls,
gave flesh and skin to the skeletalized song.
Between songs, Jeff talked casually and clearly to the thickening crowd. “How come you guys aren’t at the Aerosmith/ Mötley Crüe show?” he asked. “Tommy Lee’s gonna
come by after, play drums. He really suits that singer/songwriter vibe,” he joked. Like Tommy Lee and unlike most singer/songwriters, this former lead guitar/songwriter for
Vancouver hard-rock outfit Ten Ways From Sunday, is confident leading a band in front of a huge a crowd. Unlike Tommy Lee, I would guess, he is just as comfortable on his
own in front of a smaller crowd.
Jeff drew us in with songs that reject typical pop-rock structure and rely instead on stellar, shining guitarwork and powerful, penetrating lyrics that build to salvational, shout-
along choruses. “To Live is To Love”, despite the sappy 80’s power-ballad title, boasts a triumphant, inspiring chorus, not unlike Collective Soul’s “The World I Know”.
“Superstitious Mind”, a song about insecurity and self-doubt, begins with a catchy Dave Matthews-like guitar intro. “Just Feels Right” swoons with a tender Goo-Goo Dolls’
(minus the boo-hoo) bridge. “Everyone Wants To Believe”, which exemplifies Jeff’s inspirational songwriting, celebrates the soul’s secret yearnings.
“Can I get a beer up here? Is that possible? I wanna celebrate with you guys. You guys are awesome!” Jeff said.
By ten o’clock, the bar was bustling. “You can all sing along,” Jeff said, and launched into a long, elaborate guitar intro. I looked incredulously at Dan. “Is this Hotel
California?” he asked. “No, I think it’s Floyd. No, no… Maybe ‘Stairway’?” I replied. We continued to look at each other, baffled. The solo ended and Jeff played the first chords
of “Change”. The chorus, imploring us to “change now” resounded like a distress-call from a capsizing vessel. The music swelled and surged, like waves on the ocean. Jeff’
s foot pounded a hopeful heartbeat onto the small stage and his voice beamed like a searchlight into a desolate sea.
Jeff Johnson gives himself as he is, undisguised and uninhibited, by singing his heart out, with the anguish and the ecstasy of opening up so clear on his face. As a result, he
carefully walks the line between affectation and sincerity, but in the end the overwhelming honesty of his lyrics is made believable by the candor of his singing and
showmanship. He’s there to sing songs filled with words that people think but are afraid to say, about the things we want to believe in, but are afraid to admit to ourselves
because we doubt our ability to achieve them. Jeff knows what he wants, and is well on his way to getting it.*
Liam Ford
photo : Jeff Johnson by Scott Acker (www.godigimedia.com), www.myspace.com/enjoyjeffjohnson
Season
Once the presents have been opened and the Christmas dinner enjoyed,
everyone settles in for some good ole family time together. Bloated with
turkey and perhaps a bit tipsy with wine, this wonderful time may turn out
to be not so wonderful. Sometimes, as the carving knives are put away,
the personality knives come out. How do you get the kids settled from
their post meal sugar rush? How do you get grandma to shut-up and
stop criticizing your fiancé because he or she has a tattoo of her guru on
her wrist? As the television has been acknowledged as one of the best
babysitters around, this is a good time to extend its controlling powers to
encompass all of your family. This week, we make some suggestions of
films to watch that are sure to appease your crabby family.
The Grandparents
What could be more appealing to your grandparents than watching that
heart warming 1954 romantic comedy ‘White Christmas’? They’ll swoon
with nostalgic glee as Bing Crosby croons ‘White Christmas’ surrounded
by co-stars Danny Kaye, Rosemary Clooney and Vera-Ellen. In fact, you
might get the whole family to hold hands and sing together in loving,
Christmas spirit.
The Crabby Old Aunt
She’s been bitching ever since she entered your home and handed you
her 60 year old mink coat and black cashmere gloves. Now that the meal
is over and she’s settled her considerable bulk into your favourite chair,
fire up the new 42 inch plasma screen with the magic of Charles
Dickens's classic ‘A Christmas Carol.’ Make sure it’s the 1951 edition
starring Alastair Sim. It’s the story of a bitter old miser who finds
redemption after visits by the ghosts of Christmas on Christmas eve. If
the sheer joy and delight expressed by Scrooge when he awakens
Christmas morning does not warm your old aunt’s heart, it might be time
to scour Craigslist for someone willing to swap her heart for a new iPod.
The Boring Cousin From Back East
There’s probably nothing you can do to satisfy your high functioning,
caffeine fueled stock broker cousin from Toronto who has blessed your
house with his presence this holiday season. Send him down to the
basement where you’ve moved your old television and get him to watch
the newly released action film ‘Miami Vice.’ Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx
star in this remake of the cool television show that introduced Don
Johnson to the world. It’s got action, intrigue, drug dealing, gun play,
exotic locales, beautiful people; gosh, everything to occupy his adrenaline
rushed mind. And at 134 minutes, you’ll have an extended break from his
raving meanderings.
The Whiny 10 year old sister
She’s on the cusp of not believing in Santa so what could be better than a
story about a real Santa? It’s the 1947 film ‘Miracle on 34th Street’ and it’s
sure to turn her doubting mind towards, well, more doubt. Edmund Green
plays Kris Kringle, a kindly old man who works for Macy’s in New York as
the store Santa. Problem is, he really believes he is Santa. It might be
okay to act like Santa, just don’t believe you’re actually him. Poor Kris
ends up in the loony bin and an enterprising lawyer decides to take on
the case and prove that he is, indeed Santa. Look for the young Natalie
Wood as the girl who befriends this kindly old gentleman. After watching
this film, your sister will be counting the days until the arrival of
Christmas, 2007.
The Too Cute Five Year Old
She’s so cute that you could eat her up. Too bad you’ve already had
dessert and now she’s annoyingly pestering you into playing with the
plethora of toys strewn across the living room floor. It’s time to sit her
down and watch the 2004 animated film, ‘Polar Express.’ It’s a story
about a young boy who is awakened by the sound of a steam train that
pulls up in front of his house in the middle of the night. The conductor,
voiced by Tom Hanks, urges him to get on board for a ride to the North
Pole with a dozen other kids. It’s a magical ride full of fun and thrills and a
fantastical visit from Santa. She’ll eat it up.
The Newborn
It’s never too early to introduce a child to the wonders of film but, in this
case, perhaps you could gather your family together to sing a wonderful,
heartfelt version of Silent Night in four-part harmony. Your family’s angelic
voices will lull her restless soul to sleep. And you can all take a moment
to remember that this is the time of year to express to those who mean
most to you, your love and gratitude for having them in your life.
All the very best to all of our readers of Kira’s Eye. Allan Stanleigh Your
feedback to the movie reviews is welcome.
Send your eMails to allan_stanleigh@kezine.com
Check out Allan’s movie review website: Reel Write Reviews. Over 400
reviews to help you choose the rental that’s right for you.
www.reelwrite.com
Photo : Natalie Wood and Maureen O'Hara in Miracle on 34th Street, www.
threemoviesbuffs.com
If the never ending Christmas music playing in Starbucks is any indication, we have officially entered the holiday season which brings about a slew
of parties and get-togethers that all beg the question- What to wear?!
I am here to provide some holiday fashion tips that will make you stand out for all the right reasons as oppose to standing out for your drunken
rendition of Madonna’s ‘Holiday” at the company Christmas party.
You can dazzle without loading up on glitter
and embellishments. Keep jewelry tasteful
and minimal highlighting your best features
and your chosen outfit (i.e. a necklace with an
low cut blouse or earrings with an updo.) If
you insist on wearing bedazzled or sequined
clothing limit it to one item in an outfit
morning.
Santa socks, reindeer knitted sweaters and
mistletoe earrings…I understand this is the
only time of year you can wear these items
but it hardly makes the most sophisticated
style statement. Wear them in your home
and over to grandma’s house but do not even
think about donning any of these items to a
holiday cocktail party. While you may think
your hat donning mistletoe is guaranteed to
get the party started and get you to first base I
can promise you that your host will not be
impressed.
Almost all holidays invoke a complementary
colour scheme (red and green) but these
colours paired together, though striking are
dizzying to the observer and divides an outfit
into blocks, obscuring the figure. To appear
slimmer while devouring your seventh sugar
cookie keep to the same colour family,
wearing different shades or tints of the same
colour. Jewel tones are a great bet for the
holiday season. They appear expensive,
luxurious, and festive as well as look great
on all skin tones. As per always, you can
never go wrong with black during the winter
for all occasions.
Body baring styles are best left to Britney and
Paris. Not only is showing too much skin
grossly inappropriate for dressy holiday
functions but also just damn cold. It's winter
for Christmas sake!
The holidays are supposed to be fun and relaxing so don’t
stress! When it comes right down to it you won’t remember
which pumps your wore to a cocktail party or that you stained
your blouse at a New Years just make sure you are
comfortable in your fashion choices.*
Jaime Shulman
In the future, when all information about anyone is readily available via the internet, there is one private eye left ; Zach Johnson. Zach Johnson is a
mans man, a hard boiled private detective straight out of a Raymond Chandler novel with a seedy office and luscious young things coming to him
for help. In this book Zach tackles his weirdest case yet when Santana Clausa, a mini skirt wearing cloned mutant who was created by a coalition of
nations to run the North Pole and give out gifts to everyone in the world every Holiday, hires him on to investigate a murder. Two of her genetically
engineered elves have been murdered, and if the media or public gets wind of it the world will go into a panic thinking that Holiday won't be
celebrated this year. Zach goes undercover to visit the North Pole, i.e. 'happiest place on Earth', and must match wits against superhuman females,
techno-nerds, mutant elves, and killer robots.
Now, let's get things straight here. The Frost Haired Vixen is never going to give James Joyce a run for his money. But it's a hell of a lot more fun
then, say, James Patterson. Or at least I think so. Maybe it's not great literature. Maybe it doesn't have a great deal of metaphor or deeper meaning
or redeeming value. But what it does have is this :
2) Killer Robots
3) Nympho elves
4) The word 'Vixen' in the title
5) Sexy chicks
6) Sexy chicks with huge boobs
7) Sexy chicks with huge boobs and little clothing
8) Oh yeah, it has some mild social satire in there in-between the killer robots and the sexy big busted chicks.
9) Did you see the part about the killer robots? They have lasers!
The Frost Haired Vixen is a fun, futuristic read, and it's pretty damn funny to boot. John Zakour won me over just by passing a law in his book that Christmas, Hanukah, and
Kwanzaa no longer exist and that everyone must celebrate Holiday. And for all the dissenters he made up a sexy saucy female Santa who stalks people all year long just to
help her decide what the one best Holiday gift she can give them is. (I mean seriously, if we're all running scared and giving up our rights for the 'War on Terror, why wouldn't
people do it in the future for one damn Holiday gift from a cloned mutant who puts Pam Anderson to shame?) Mostly it was a fresh look at two genres that have been done
nearly to death- the private eye mystery and the futuristic sci-fi novel. Toss in the fact that it's Christmas . . . . er, Holiday themed and not sentimental and sappy and you have a
winner.*
Renee Mallett
photo : www.amazon.com
Shadows on the Wall starts out with a great setting…and flops at the end.
***WARNING: REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS***
Shadows on the Wall is an 8 chapter, 174-page book written by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor, author of Shiloh (1992 Newberry Award Winner). Shadows on the Wall is the first
book of the York Trilogy.
The story starts out strong; the setting is nice. Dan and his family are in the town of York, England, during a vacation. Slowly he feels a pang of fear every time he passes a
certain tower. He suspects something is up with the whole family, as almost every topic is taboo, except for the ones comfortably talked with a 5-year old. He discovers that
a horrible disease runs through the whole family, and Dan along with his father has a 50% chance of contracting the disease, called Hutchinson’s Disease. If that wasn’t
enough, he suddenly encounters the lingering spirits of Roman soldiers, apparently of the mysterious “Ninth Legion”. He encounters some friends along the way, and gets
to learn some gypsy traditions. The book ends with a confusing ending, without going over it a few times, and I didn’t get a slimmer of meaning from it. More on that in the
“Flaws” section.
Main Characters:
Dan – This boy is the main focus of the book. Is in York for a family vacation.
Joe – A friend of Dan; introduces Dan to the gypsies.
Ambrose – A friend of Joe. He has 4 children. Is Romany (Gypsy).
Nat – One of Ambrose’s sons, apparently able to read palms to tell the future.
Orlenda – One of Ambrose’s daughters. She seems to have a liking to Dan.
Jasper – One of Ambrose’s sons. He is mute, but strange things always happen to him.
Rose – One of Ambrose’s daughters.
Brian Roberts – He’s the father of Dan, and he has a 50% chance of getting Hutchinson’s Disease. Ultimately contains the chance of Dan having the disease or not.
Strengths:
Naylor begins this book with a good prologue, with very good use of adjectives to describe the setting. There was an illustrated map to go with it, so I could visualize it even
more clearly. The personalities of most characters in this book were well set and described. This book definitely has a sense of suspense in it, as when it was time to do
something else in class, I reluctantly put it down. The section was getting pretty good, but that would flop when the confusing ending came. The time when a roman soldier
that was later revealed as Joe attacked Dan, I was literally “on the edge of my seat”.
Flops:
While this book was composed by a coveted author, this book is certainly a flop. This was so un-notable, that it took me 2 minutes of intense Googling (the art of using
Google to look things up) to find it, and even then, it didn’t have a picture of the book. Naylor’s web page didn’t have the book listed. Shadows on the Wall’s story, when
summarized, reveals that it is a boring book. While the location, building, and objects of York were well described, there were barely any facial adjectives for the book. I
couldn’t imagine any of the character’s bodies except for the boy in the title page, where it is assumedly the main character, Dan, though one cannot be sure. There is
barely a battle in the book, despite its topic on Roman soldiers that become ghosts. There is one, but that was a scrabble between Joe and Dan. This book doesn’t tie up
its loose ends. In other words, there are several things that aren’t explained. For instance, it doesn’t explain why a young man named Jasper can transform himself into
another being. It doesn’t explain why that certain roman silver coin was so valuable to Ambrose, that he personally went into the hotel Dan used to be staying in to retrieve
it. This is the ending. And that’s it.
Story -- *****/10 (It’s fine, kept me reading it.)
Setting -- ********/10 (Kudos for great adjectives.)
Characters -- ******/10 (Great personality words.)
Descriptions -- ******/10 (Lost points to no character descriptions.)
Suspense Factor -- ***/10 (Could use some more excitement.)
Mystery Factor -- */10 (Classified as a mystery novel, though this doesn’t feel like it.)
Ending -- ****/10 (Confusing and muddling.)
Overall -- **** /10 (Overall, just a book that a person reads on a boring Monday night.) *
Justin Chau
New Year's Eve : So, here we are again.
It’s that time of year again. The time to think about losing 10 lbs, 10 friends, 10 dollars on cheap wine…. Yes, we are fast approaching – The New Year.
I still remember where I was 7 years ago, in 1999, when the world was contemplating some kind of global disaster sent to destroy us all – somehow meant to fulfill some
fictional biblical prophesy. I was in Winnipeg. And that was close enough to Hell for me. I remember thinking, if some other worldly being is going to descend from the sky at
midnight, or set off every nuclear weapon on earth – PRECISELY at midnight – which time zone will it be working from? The boyfriend I was with at the time thought this was
funny, but his parents (who had never applied for a passport) didn’t really get the joke.
I think that this “millennium-fear” was really an analogy for the unknown, of the world ending in a flash… of all the things that one promises to accomplish but never really gets
around to for yet another year.
That being said, in the spirit of realistic goals for a promising new year, I have compiled the following list of “must do” items.
1. Get your life in order. Clean out a closet, a garage, a kitchen cupboard – Jesus, at least clean your bathtub if that’s all you can get your lazy ass off the holiday sofa for.
Getting rid of grime and useless junk can give you a feeling of fresh starts and new beginnings. Anything to inspire you to jump into the new year with a bit of enthusiasm, or at
the very least, without ring around the tub.
2. Ditch any boyfriend that is not really a boyfriend, but really just a big old energy leach. Your head and your wallet will thank you.
3. Count your grey hairs WITHOUT pulling them out. Start to see them as a sign of accomplishment and success. Resist the urge to cry.
4. Plan a trip. Go somewhere new and if no one else can fit it into their schedule, go alone. Who knows, Mr Loser Boyfriend might very easily be replaced by Mr Intriguing
Foreign Accent Man.
5. Start Volunteering. Consider it a big fat year long Christmas gift to yourself and a whole bunch of other people that will really appreciate your help.
6. Get a bikini wax. And while you’re there, why not go straight to Brazil!? Stop at a bar for a glass of wine, then pop some advil and for the love of all that is holy - do NOT
exercise afterwards – take this advice from a seasoned expert.
7. Set some goals that don’t involve weight loss or saving more money. Try a bit of creativity – maybe pick a new language or take up fencing, but FOLLOW THROUGH.
8. Stop competing with the guy in the corner office or the woman with a 5 inch waist and start kicking your own ass for once. What have you done in the last year that you can
beat for next year? Stop focusing on other people and start competing with the only person who reeeeeeally matters. Yourself.
9. Get a grip. Don’t think that the holidays are the enemy or the start or end of anything. Think back to last February. Did anything you felt in December still matter? Any
loneliness or sense of not doing enough in the previous year was out the window and you were already on to planning a Spring Break vacation. This will happen again. I
promise. *
Jody Winder
Who Says You Can’t Wear Checks With Argyle?
Only an artist could put these two together and make them sing. I lay witness to this upon espying the great Vancouver artist, Attila Richard Lukacs, perched atop a barstool at
the Fourth Avenue bistro, Pastis.
I was there at the invite of artist Shannon Belkin, who had arranged a pre-Christmas get-together with Attila for dinner and a little conversation on the art scene mixed with some
spicy talk of those at the helm of Vancouver’s galleries.
From the moment I lay eyes on the gentleman at the bar, any preconceived notions of intimidation for this enfant terrible of the International Art World were acquiesced.
I could see…”he was a man of distinction” - as the Cy Coleman song goes – “a real big spender, good looking, so refined”. This vision was in direct contrast to my previous
look at Lukacs as he mashed around the bowels of the former BC Hydro building installing his works for 2003’s “The Basement Show”, that reunited five of Vancouver’s
preeminent artists known collectively as, “The Young Romantics.” He was there that morning in full on butch fatigue-wear followed by the camera of documentary filmmaker
David Vaisbord, whose “Drawing Out The Demons” – an in-depth look at Lukac’s mercurial talent with a focus on his bizarre departure from his New York studio-cum-den of
inequity – would soon make the rounds of the Film Festival Circuit.
The Atlantic Film Festival has said of the film, “Drawing Out The Demons may be the most honest and substantial documentary ever made about a world-class artist.”
Attila addressed the documentary during our evenings many subject matters with equal parts self-deprecation and heart-felt honesty. Hey, we all have demons in our closets!
Most of us don’t have the eyes of the world - in this case the art world – laying in wait to lap up our indiscretions. The gentleman sitting beside us has clearly met his demons
head on and was able to not only laugh at himself, but also take full responsibility for diving so deeply into excess.
His excesses now appear to be concentrated on canvas. Always displaying social commentary, his most recent paintings offer a pointed look at the current war in Iraq. I had
recently viewed some of these works at the Antisocial Gallery at 2425 Main Street. Also a skateboard shop, this cutting edge store lends a hint to where this cutting edge artist’s
heart lies. By all indication, in youth, and it’s unconditional love for all things unconventional. He tellingly spoke to this by saying that “I take more pleasure from someone young
admiring my work than any comment that a worldly patron of the arts could ever offer.”
A look at Lukac’s recent work titled, “Boards”, offer up skateboards that are truly amazing works of art. They also show an artist whose talents know no boundaries. This is an
artist whose application to a wide variety of mediums can delight a wide variety of audiences.
He certainly was a delight to behold, and, in his Christmas red Argyle vest over red and white check dress shirt, proved definitely that, when it comes to taste, this master of the
canvas et als, is a master of style il n’a pas son.*
Devorah Macdonald
Well it’s that time of year again, the time to figure out how to outdo your gifts from last year’s Christmas. If you're like
me (and you're probably not) you like to really dig down and give unique, memorable and thoughtful gifts. This year
being the sex kitten that I am, I have come up with a list of sexy gifts for you to give to your partner. These are all tried
and tested methods of ensuring he will never forget the gifts you give him.
1. Jewelry
A common and well received gift. But this year, put a spin on it. Get him something (semi) permanent like a piercing.
Some good ones are navels, nipples and for the go all out folk, the regal Prince Albert. Both my partner and I have
genital piercings and I highly recommend them! If you are bold enough to go for the crotch piercing, make sure not to
ask too many questions because you will surely back out once you hear of the sheer pain, blood filled pee's and of
course the dreaded morning wood! The pay off is worth it, I swear, but if your man doesn’t like the idea of his Rudolf
the red nosed reindeer (or as I like to call it Randy the one eyed yogurt shooter) getting a 14 gauge hoop rammed
through it, a lobe piercing can be sensual as well.
2. A Tie
So he won't go for the piercing, eh? How about a tie to tie him up with? You get to be the slutty little elf, pleasuring him
in all sorts of dirty ways. I recommend a bolo tie (the ones cowboys wear). They can be used anywhere, are stronger
and of course who doesn't love the little charm! Not dating a tie man? Then what about a bow? Perhaps you, naked
with a big red bow would make a saucy gift. What man doesn't enjoy unwrapping a present to find something warm,
wet, and sexy inside for him to play with? You’ll be sure to have him fa la la la -ing if you decorate your 'walls' with
boughs of jolly!
3. Sugar cookies
Your sugar, and your cookies instead. You don't have to be a Betty Crocker this year, more like a busty Betty Boop. I'm
told my nips look like Girl Guide cookies when I wear a tight shirt sans bra (I believe the areola unhardened will give
the best effect). You can entice him just the same. Show up in a skimpy tee ready to let him feast on your cookies. To
optimize this affect, I recommend a little tweak to make the little center nub perk up. Trust me, this will be better than
any other sugar cookie he's ever had!
It’s cold, there’s black ice on the roads and it’s a fairly typical sight to see your average Vancouverite scraping ice
off their windshield first thing in the morning (or at any point in the day if you’re an SFU student). It must be
December in BC. Where so much of Canada is blanketed regularly in the white stuff that litters the skies, we only
get a smattering here and there - just enough to cause some power outs, chaos on the roads, and to piss off the
already-irate last-minute shopping public (God help the poor souls standing in line for a Wii right now). None of this
sounds very idyllic – certainly not like the stereotypical peace, love, goodwill and happiness in the snow types of
Christmases that we are weaned on from childhood. It’s easy to see where seasonal depression comes from
when you look at things like this. So what’s the best option to escape the rain, cold, ice and violence at the
shopping centers? Simple – Christmas specials.
They litter our TV’s for that one hideous month where there’s nothing new on. Most range back to the 70’s, 60’s and
beyond (the good ones anyway) and they all approach the same subject matter again and again – finding and
sharing peace, love and happiness in yourself and your fellow humans. They might be cheesy from time to time,
perhaps even a little saccharine, but they are a part of our culture. No matter what your feelings on the season, it’s
hard not to look at the early years of stop-motion animation with a glowing red nose and not get all warm and
nostalgic inside.
Everyone has their favourites and will defend said choices to the death. But in an effort to share my own verbal
goodwill to the masses, here is my personal list of the top ten Christmas specials that no one should ever go a year
without seeing (and yes most of them are cartoons – so sue me!).
The animated poster child for seasonal depression disorders, Charlie Brown has been a staple amongst the
Christmas season for more than 40 years now, and the Snoopy dance still doesn’t get old. It’s a pitch-perfect tale
about searching for the meaning of Christmas and coming to terms with it for yourself. Plus, you can never go wrong
with George Winston’s Linus and Lucy theme.
9. Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town (1970)
Narrated by Fred Astaire and starring Mickey Rooney as Santa Claus, this stop-motion TV special from 1970 tells a
creative origin story of Santa Claus, covering everything from his need to give toys to kids, to why he went down
chimneys, from stocking stuffing to how he met and fell for Mrs. Claus. It’s a classic through and through. That
Burgermeister – what a bastard!
8. Mickey’s Christmas Carol (1983)
Bringing Scrooge McDuck to the forefront, this is Disney’s own retelling of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol.
Starring the entire cast of Disney characters, this special was not only the first original Mickey Mouse cartoon in 30
years when it came out, but also has a very special feel to it, one that instantly feels warm and familiar (with
everymouse Mickey taking on the role of Bob Cratchit). Two things that stand out – the perfect casting of the Ghost of
Christmas Present (with smischsmashios!) and Pete as the grim reaper Ghost of Christmas Future.
7. Yogi’s First Christmas (1980)
With not a pic-a-nic basket to be found, Yogi is awakened from hibernation in the middle of the Christmas season
and, much to the dismay of Ranger Smith, decides to partake in his first celebration of the season. Cheesy
animation is forgotten the second you hear any Hanna Barbara character speak, their sense of humour always spot-
on perfect. Thank God for the Jellystone Lodge.
6. Scrooged (1988)
The world would be a dull place without Bill Murray in it. While he’s been hit and miss with some of his comic efforts,
the 1988 retelling of Dickens’ tale through the eyes of a corporate jackass who has lost any concept of what the
Christmas spirit is all about is a riot all the way through. Murray gives it the perfect mix of sardonic cynicism mixed
with wide-eyed wonder. And then there’s Karen Allen – she makes any movie better (proof positive – Raiders of the
Lost Ark).
5. Miracle on 34th Street (1947)
To be clear, this is the 1947 model, with Edmund Gwenn in place of Richard Attenborough. One of the
quintessential Christmas stories of the first half of the twentieth century (and far more tolerable than It’s A Wonderful
Life). No matter your age, when you watch the post office dump all of those letters in the middle of the courtroom
declaring Kris to be Santa Claus, it always gives you a stupid grin from ear to ear, just as it should.
4. The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)
Yet another rendition of the Dickens tale, but this one told with the most glorious of creatures, muppets. And Michael
Caine. But mostly muppets. While stretched to fill two hours with some odd and not always great songs, The
Muppet Christmas Carol is an absolute delight from start to finish. Narrated by Gonzo the Great and Rizzo the Rat,
the story is never dull, and thoroughly entertaining (especially the Marleys and Animal at Fozziwigs Christmas party –
short but oh so sweet). Proof that everything is better with muppets.
3. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (pictured above) (1964)
With Burl Ives singing Silver and Gold and a Holly Jolly Christmas, Rudolph is and will always be one of the greatest
Christmas stories ever told. With an unforgettable cast of misfits (and misfit toys), plus gorgeous character designs
and animation that was ahead of it’s time, Rudolph still affects generations today and I have never met a child who
didn’t grow up watching this special.
2. A Muppet Family Christmas (1987)
Starring the entire cast from the Muppet Show, Muppet Babies, Fraggle Rock, and Sesame Street, A Muppet Family
Christmas is not only one of the most delightfully absurd Christmas specials ever made, but also the most sought
after (release it on DVD dammit!). There is nothing about this special that is not classic, but special props go to the
Swedish Chef chasing down the Turkey for the night, only to bust a nut when he sees Big Bird in front of him – the
holy grail of edible fowl. Priceless.
1. Dr. Seuss’ How The Grinch Stole Christmas (1966)
Celebrating it’s 40th year on the air, this is the pinnacle of Christmas specials, and without a doubt the one that no
family should ever be without. Don’t try to watch the Ron Howard/Jim Carry adaptation from 2000 – it’s an
embarrassment by comparison. This is the greatest Christmas story ever told as only Dr. Seuss could tell it from
the delightfully twisted mind of his. The film has the most quotable dialogue and songs from any special and I don’t
think there is a child alive who celebrates Christmas and hasn’t sung along at some point with You’re a Mean One,
Mr. Grinch. Best. Lyrics. Ever.
That’s it for now. Special consideration was also given to National Lampoons’ Christmas Vacation, Twas the Night
Before Christmas (the one with the mice in the clock tower), A Christmas Story (Ralphie and the Red Baron BB Gun),
Elf, the original Frosty the Snowman, and yes, It’s A Wonderful Life.
E-mail me your own personal list of top ten Christmas specials at agawilmot@hotmail.com. Have a Merry
Christmas one and all!*
Andrew Wilmot
Whoa Nelly is this a month. Major astrological
events mean major psychological upheavals.
And you thought it was just the holidays? Major
stress in the psycho-spiritual areas means that
your thoughts will have an almost
overwhelmingly powerful influence this month.
What you dreamed never was possible just
might happen this month, and throughout the
next year. Now is the time to focus on big plans
and ambitions. Little schemes are likely to fail
while grand visions and dreams just might be
accomplished. At least it won't be boring! The
grand ideals are the ones which always prosper
unfailingly in the end, but this might just now be
becoming obvious.
Aries
With your natural dynamic energy and
enthusiasm, the aspects in the sky above are
going to hit you hard no matter where it hits. The
real danger to watch out for is getting lost in your
own viewpoint without being able to see the
viewpoints of others, or the big picture, rather
than your individual view. Trying not to step on
toes will prove handy this month.
Taurus
You've been experiencing steady gains and
rewards in the past couple of years. This has
been a result of your hard work and applying
yourself to goals that were set in motion a while
ago. It seems that this might be a good time to
start formulating new goals again. You might be
forming a whole new group of goals for yourself.
Gemini
You will be getting even more ideas than usual
through that creative head of yours this month.
Lots of them will be keepers! You will even have
the energy to begin working on many of them
right away. This is likely to be a very productive
month for you in many ways, as you will be
feeling two steps ahead of things.
Cancer
You may be feeling emotional as the holidays
draw near. It might feel like you are experiencing
waves of nostalgia or bliss. You are! Try to stay
on the sunny side of your emotional powers,
you're such a creature of your feelings for you
more than anyone it's important to feel good.
Your love of giving can be a source of joy.
Leo
If you've felt like you've been slipping behind on
all the things you feel you have to do, don't
despair! All the work you have will get done. You
will be able to do it all if you just focus on the end
result. Try to stay positive, your thoughts will
bring you results. If you've been feeling unclear,
meditate on the end result you wish to have
happen.
Virgo
You've been worrying again. Stop it! Try to focus
on the things you're doing well, and enjoy what
you are doing while you are doing it. Staying in
the moment at this time will bring you the
greatest rewards. Everything is perfect just the
way it is in every moment. Try to remember that
as you go through this month.
Libra
You might be feeling a bit scattered as you try to
get your thoughts in order, but there is a sense
of greater clarity coming to you at the moment.
You are such a force for good on this planet, if
you can only focus on bringing your talents to the
forefront. Nurture your creativity as much as you
can and you will see what that can do.
Scorpio
It's amazing what you can do if your intentions
are aligned with the highest good. When you're
not aligned, you can experience dastardly
results. If you stay inside your heart and connect
with the desire to give of yourself to others, even
if it's just your loved ones, you will avoid the brunt
of this storm, bringing you into an amazing new
day.
Sagittarius
Nothing can stop your natural exuberance right
now. You're on top of a wave of energy, if you can
ride it to shore it will feel like you are winning!
Things are coming naturally to you as long as
you can stay motivated. You're about to be
challenged, but with your natural honesty and
optimism you will ace the test.
Capricorn
You're feeling happier lately as you feel a new
energy begin around the corner. It seems that
things were not as bad as you might have once
thought. As your new outlook starts to take hold,
you might be surprised at what you might find
inside you. All your wildest dreams actually could
come true, after all, if you just believe it.
Aquarius
You might be feeling overwhelmed a bit as you
are coming into your new powers. You have a
little practice to do but you are going to do just
fine as you integrate all the new things you have
been learning. You're about to move forward like
a rocket, but you're building up steam first. Get
ready to go! You're about to take off!
Pisces
If you can channel the power of your creative
mind, amazing things can happen for you. There
is a rush of activity in your subconscious mind
waiting to be explored. Dance, write,paint,
dream, get in touch with the swell of the ideas
that are coming to you. You are talented! *
Clair Connection
Platform: Gamecube/Wii
Price: $59.99
Graphics: 5/5
Sound: 5/5
Control: 5/5
Overall: 5/5
Fuck yes. Buy. NOW.
MILLA JOVOVICH
She has always been beautiful hence her modelling career starting at the age of 12.
She speaks 5 languages, acts, sings, models and obviously she's gorgeous. I always thought she was a doll but it wasn't until I
saw her critically UNacclaimed performance as Joan of Arc in The Messenger (1999) that I really thought she was the shit.
Check her out in 2007's Resident Evil : Extinction *
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